Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Just when you thought...

Often times we bemoan the hard or long parts of mothering. Even when we know at our core how blessed we feel to be moms, it doesn't seem to stop some of us from swapping muddled mamma moments from conception all the way to grandmotherdom. So, I thought I'd check into some records so we can feel at ease or, in some cases, fall down on our knees and thank our Lord that our circumstances are so much easier...

Ready? Here we go...

(the link to the site where I found the answers can be found when you click on the answer)

1. Longest human pregnancy- 18 years. or 375 days (one produced a live birth, the other did not)
     **Just when you thought 42 weeks gestation was utter hell...try 53weeks. And 18 years??? Is that some bizarre brand of homeschooling? These stories are weird. I love weird. If you know me and love me, then you love weird too. :)

2. Largest baby ever born- 22 lbs 8 oz
    **Holy episiotomy, Batman!! Who ISN'T crossing their legs and still cringing at that number? Forget the ice pack...I'm thinking I would need to sit on the iceberg that took out the Titanic to numb that kind of pain! ugh. ouch. EPIDURAL!! GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL!!

3. Oldest mother to deliver- 66
     **So, if you're considered to be in "advanced maternal age" when you're 35...what the heck do you call this one? Does she deliver in OB or Geriatrics? Did she take Prenatals or Geritol? That would add up to her being 84 when her child is 18. 
Kid: "Uh, mom? Can I borrow $20 and the lark tonight?"
Mom: "Eh??? Bring me some more Depends honey. I've pooped my pants again."
This kid is going to have his CNA certification along with his Birth certificate. 

(I was going to include the youngest mother, but it made me sick. It should make you sick. Now you're going to go look it up, aren't you?
Don't do it? You'll regret it....There's a monster at the end of that post. Grover told me...
oh, ok...look it up, if you dare. I can't stop you.)

4. Oldest child still breastfeeding- Eight
     ** Ew. Forget packing a lunch or the cafeteria lunch program, this mom's going to come and feed her 3rd grader at no cost to the state! Resourceful?? No, Ew. There is a video. You're going to go look at it, arent' you. Don't. There's a monster at the end of the video. 

5. Shortest interval between children- 208 days
     **Which rounds out to be (doing the math here... 208 divided by approximately 30=) approx 6.9 months apart. So much for losing your pre-pregnancy weight. I guess you're already in maternity clothes so you might as well keep going. Her uterus must have a conveyor belt. 

6.  Most children born to one woman- 69 children in 27 years.
   ** How would you sort all those socks???????????????? 

I'm dizzy. Must. Lie. down. 
It's a madhouse, I tell you! A mad house!!!! 
The food! The dishes! The laundry! The Socks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, that whole sock thing did me in...I'm spent AND I have to go sort socks. Thankfully, it's only for 3 instead of 69.
Have a great day!

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