Stealth Discipleship

Titus 2:3-8

 ...Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ...

I was asked recently, "why do young women not want to participate in women's ministries?" This is a question that I've seen come up on other blogs and in conversation, what seems like, numerous times in just this last year.  The trouble is that I don't think it can be simply answered. For me, I once lived under the misconception that women's ministries was "too pretty and tied up in a bow" for me. That I would never blend into the crowd of homemaking, made-from-scratch baking, gentle, quiet spirits that seemed to exist in such places. Though I grew up in the church and was "liked", I somehow often perceived that I was too goofy to be taken seriously. Some of my impressions, I acquired from comments made or looks received. So, why would I want to attend events or social gatherings that left me feeling like I was merely a shallow pool or that my value was less than perfect.

I'm going to tell you about three ladies who impacted me greatly and subsequently changed my views of women's ministry. I'm going to reveal the ways in which they discipled me without agenda, without an event and without direction from anyone but God's leading.

The first one is a gal named Mary Lou who happened to be employed at the same place as I, way back in 1993 when I first moved to So Cal. I was working as an aid in a 3/4yr old pre-school class and she was the pre-school/day camp receptionist. It was one day "out of the blue" when she invited me over to lunch at her house. I was new to the town and trying to find how I fit in among the throng of Christian College Students that lived in and all around that area while I attended the local JC in pursuit of nursing school. I remember feeling surprised that she wanted to spend time with me! I mean, she didn't even know me and I'm sure she had a ton of other enjoyable people she could have spent her time with but she asked me...and I was touched. We ended up spending several lunch hours together over the next several months and we talked about relationships and our faith. In her season of being newly married she encouraged me in my singleness to not settle, to not give up hope for a fantastic guy and that sometimes, that guy wasn't the most up front and obvious person. She loved me and without me even knowing it, she discipled me.

The second gal is Deb. The timing in which we became acquainted was approximately 5 months later after I had returned from working a summer at a camp in Washington State and Mary Lou had moved away and onto her next season of mothering her new baby girl and adjusting to life in a new state. Deb and I ended up working on the college staff at our church. She and her husband had just had their first baby. She and I, on one particular day, were talking about weight and exercise, or something girly and vain like that, when she asked, "out of the blue" if I wanted to come over for a walk. Again, I was excited this great woman wanted to spend time with me! I figured I'd enjoy it while it lasted and anticipated I would wear out my welcome soon enough, but that wasn't the case. We spent many a day walking, hanging out at her house, going to coffee, working on college staff and developed a friendship that meant the world to me. She demonstrated how she loved her husband, how she loved and parented her daughter and how she loved the Lord. It was she who, when I had made some bad choices was first in line to gently put up the mirror and show me what I was doing and lovingly encouraged and prayed for me as I wept through some of the most painful times during those years. She showed me grace and mentored me, without any program.

The last gal I'd like to tell you about is Rochelle. She and I met right after I had moved to Pollock Pines, before I found out I was pregnant with child number 2 (Jack was 8 months old) and while I had visited the local church's MOPS group. We said polite hellos and realized we had lived in the same city for a year or two while she went to christian college and I worked as an RN. We exchanged phone numbers and like many first introductions, that seemed to be it. Fast forward three months, I'm 3 months pregnant, mother of a 11 month old baby, in a city that seems so far from civilization (code: no Target or Starbucks for miles) and my husband was working 2 hours away. We'd just finished up our ministry and time at our old church and were seeking a local place to call home when "out of the blue" Rochelle called. I tell her I'm pregnant, she tells me she's pregnant and due 3 months before me (apparently she was pregnant when we met but her tall, slim figure did not reveal it in contrast to me who took a pregnancy test, my uterus fell into position, my stomach muscles all went lax and I immediately looked 4 months along..why does that happen?? I digress) She invited me to go somewhere...I have no idea where we spent our first day because it was the hundreds of days that followed where our relationship blossomed. She and her husband, had a dinner party inviting all the young couples from the church to "meet us", then had a BBQ after church so we could meet more people. It was she who would call when I was sitting, stranded in my house at 2, still in my PJ's and feeling lonely. It was she who show up to hang out and for some reason, I never felt bad about the conditions of my house and she made herself right at home and there was a certain comfort in that. She demonstrated true hospitality and friended me, without bows or perfection.

All this is to say that I believe that sometimes for young moms, our programs, events and studies, while truly good, are just "one more thing" for someone to sign up for and feel obligated to. That most days, your cup feels empty and trying to imagine one more commitment causes the sweats and palpitations. That in the midst of the baby puking, laundry washing, husband loving and the plethora of other things we already do...feeling pretty or tied up with a bow is the furthest thing from our beings. In fact, it's by God's grace if you make it out of the house without a snot trail on your clothes.

I don't know if you took note of the statements "out of the blue"...but please know, I used this term to represent what I perceived at the time. What I can now see in my present view is how God used these precious ladies to bring me exactly what I needed during those seasons of my life. They were his instruments and for that I am so thankful. What these three ladies did, that the women's ministry did not, was meet me where I was at and invest in me, without expectation of reciprocation. It was the phone call, the note (this was pre-text, people), the lunch/coffee date, the prayer, the empathetic tears, the laughter and the Lord's leading that were poured into me. I think there is room for both kinds of discipleship but we should be moved to pour into someone because Christ has poured himself out for us and His provision continues to fill us when we need it. Who do you know, even if only in passing, that needs to be pursued. If our Lord pursues me in relationship, how can I NOT do the same for others  in his name? Who can you overflow into so that your relationship can point them to Jesus and demonstrate a deeper relationship with him. This kind of discipleship is possible for the eldest of women. If you've got a voice, you've got an opportunity to encourage.

Be a part of your women's ministry, be active and involved because they're NOT all tied up with a bow and just maybe you can love on someone, mentor and be an example of Christ to them.

Isaiah 58:11 And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

PS. There were many other ladies that I could name who have encouraged and friended my in the name of the Lord but there is only so much room to write. I thank God for each one of you.

PSS. I'm linked up here with my new friend Denise!

Fellowship, Faith and Feathers

  Tomorrow, many amazing women that I love and myself are heading up to South Lake Tahoe to our 2011 Ladies Retreat. I am looking forward to going for so many reasons. 

1. The location...just lovely. How can you NOT see God in His creation.
2. The women...beautiful ladies whom I cherish and am eager to spend time with, learn from and laugh with. (Oh we'll probably cry too..it is a retreat after all. What good is a retreat if it doesn't make you tear up a little.)
3. Freedom..from housework, cooking, thinking about bills, or laundry or children getting up in the middle of the night children, barking dogs..what-have-you. Though, I am thankful for all these things and will miss my family, a break is therapeutic. 
4. The fellowship and intimacy of time together spent in worship..which is, truly, one of my favorite parts. 
5. What the Lord is going to teach us this weekend. I ALWAYS hear His spirit in the words and testimonies shared. The theme is "Feathering Your Nest".
6. The Lord is giving me an opportunity to share, with the other ladies, what He is teaching me on Saturday night...My subtopic, "How Do You Feather Your Nest If You Feel Like You Are Molting?"

Ladies Retreat 2010

I covet your prayers...I pray for God's leading. 

I hope I don't flail...I pray for God's direction. 

I hope I don't get palpitations...I pray for God's strength..for courage. 

One of the verses I am sharing and what I am relying on:
2 Cor 12:9


'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."


"Feathers are a bird’s most precious possession - beautiful and complex structures that give the gift of flight and insulate their bodies. However, after about a year, these delicate structures wear out. Even with careful preening, the feathers get frazzled and crimped from the wear and tear of ordinary activity." 
from All about Your Parrots Feathers.  

I have a friend

I have this friend. I haven't seen her in a almost a decade.  I have a special place in my heart for this friend because she pursued me in friendship when I was single and felt alone. She and her husband allowed me to hang with their, then small family and affectionately referred to me as "Mindy B". She, on one occasion way back in 1995, took me to coffee and lovingly confronted me when I was a psycho after taking Phen-phen for a month and shared her concern for me. They invited me to come work at a camp with them in Idaho, when I was broken hearted over a dumb boy and a dumb trip to see him. She, her daughter, and her 1st son were all in my wedding in 1999 when she was 7 months pregnant and both kids were 2 and 4. I, at the time, could not appreciate how much work that was for her....yet, she did it. I will always remember and be thankful for her and her love for me, then. She is a follower of Christ, a genuine friend, an amazing mom and wife and a thought-provoking writer. I miss her. I wish we lived closer. I may have to buy a ticket to Washington to see her. 


My friend recently started a blog. It is called Enduring and After, here is the link. It's about hers and her husbands journey over a decade. Here is an excerpt:

"…welcome to enduring and after. A blog about going 

through hard things and getting your life back together afterward.

For us, it was prescription drug addiction and all the mess that accompanies it.

My husband, Dave, battled with addiction to tramadol (Ultram) for almost a decade 

before he — and I — hit rock bottom."

Hard, painful and humbling circumstances can happen to each of us. It can happen gradually over time or in what I like to call a "short 5 seconds of stupid".  I know of a few close friends who are re-examining their life and saying..."how did I get here?" The best part of the story for this particular friend is that they are on the other side of it and they are still together, faithful to God, wiser and stronger. The sad part is that many others are still wrestling with addiction, their lives are off track and some lives are falling apart. I've seen at least one friend die from giving in to this.  If you, a family member or know of friend who may be struggling in this way...maybe you can find some comfort and encouragement from my friend. 


PS. Speaking of second chances and new beginnings..Remember my little bird's nest with the babies who had died. There is a new nest and a new egg. Just awesome. 

Reunion of Roadrunners

 I used to wear plaid. 

Everyday. To school. 

For 8 years. 

Jealous?

I loved my years at Holy Family School. I'm not sure if it's just me or the fact that I'm overly sentimental...emphasis on the "mental", but I have a special place in my heart for the years I spent there and the people who I spent them with. We hit puberty together..shared our first communion, learned sex-ed, experienced our first loves and crushes and had our occasional rivalries and I think we acquired some academia during that time. Although, all I can remember is singing "Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie" in Mrs Sullivan's 6th grade class. We were trying to figure out who we were and really, we grew up together. 

I remember that our school wouldn't allow dances and by the time we were in the 7th grade we were looking for reasons to mingle more, dance, laugh, flirt and act like the teens that we were becoming. We were a Footloose, John Hughes and "totally tubular" (in our own minds of course) generation. I'm not sure if you were aware of this but it was mandatory in the 80's to feather your hair and wear something ridiculous and use the word "RAD". You could perform the moves to "Thriller", you knew Madonna before the cones and it was common to wear neon, dove shorts, leg warmers and friendship bracelets. Not necessarily all at the same time...

 I don't recall the first one, but I do remember our dances were a throw back to the 50's in that we had them in our homes. We would all meet up for some occasion,...... actually ANY occasion we could. It started out with birthday parties, then holidays and then we'd be like, "hey it's Saturday".
And then someone would be like.."totally".
Then we'd be all.."cool, who's house?"
and so on...

... We would all bring our record albums and the host/hostess would provide the record player and the food. In the beginning, it was all very awkward as many of us (speaking for myself) had NO CLUE what we were doing. I didn't know how to dance or dress...(years of catholic school does that to you a bit). But, the best was that we all kind of figured it out together. We listened to a lot of Prince, Madonna, Wham and Michael Jackson (when he was still normal, far less eccentric and just awesome) playing in the background while we "slow danced" what I can only describe as an almost zombie-like-straight-armed side step. There wasn't any bumping, grinding or making out.

**Remember we were 11-14 although these days you see kids getting pregnant in this age bracket!! aaaah!!!..which is why my children won't date til they are 20 or 24 or til I die..I'm still thinking about it.

It was always supervised.

It was innocent and fun and wonderful. 

We wore our coolest clothes (which for me is not saying a lot although I scrutinized over each outfit and often begged my mom to take me out and buy something cool) and could often be found dancing in a big circle and watching the better dancers show their moves while the rest of us just tried to not look like fools. 

We eventually moved on to high school, then college and gained more maturity and experience.

It's been almost 25 years since we graduated from Holy Family and some of us have kept up, but through the "social network" of Facebook..most of us have found each other. It feels timely because many of us now have children who are the same age we were when we attended there. There have already been marriages and divorces. There has been some amazing success in business and some failures. There has been the births/blessings of children and the grief/devastation over the loss of parents.  And even now we see our finite humanity demonstrated in the illnesses or deteriorating health of some of our dear friends. In connecting with and regathering together with these old friends it's made me thankful for our time spent in our childhood and a little sad that we had not kept up more. It's life...all of it: the blessings and the trials and often the growing out of touch with people who shared a huge part of your life. The memories and relationships we develop over our lifetimes leave little fingerprints on our hearts...like molded clay and even when those relationships go away we can be sure that the fingerprint remains and we are who we are today because of how we were influenced, loved and supported even then. I am thankful for those years and that we held on to our innocence as long as possible. 

 To my Roadrunner friends..I throw out a "couple skate" request..singing with pubescent voices to the tune of  "Crazy for you" and I will always remember us as feathered, neon and forever young. To the Holy Family Class of 1986- Thank you for such amazing..
I mean, RAD memories. 

Inspired

I love to be inspired. I am often inspired by a message, a bible verse, a song, a person who lives out a life worthy of respect. To be inspired, I believe, is part of the gift of encouragement. Encouragement doesn't always have to be given in word or in a gift, but in actions and in service and in the way you can bring about a desire in someone else to perform or live better.  I love to be around people who inspire me to be a better mom, wife, friend, worker or example for Christ.

You know how they say (whoever "they" are) that  if you spend enough time around someone, you'll find that you begin to act or even look like that person. Isn't this true of our children?  I hear my words and humanity coming out of them, well embarrassingly more than I'd like because not everything I say and do is great. Are you shocked? Doubt it. Because I'm sure I can't be the only one who is guilty of this... (am I?). Well, I love to surround myself with people who I respect and want to be like. Now of course, ultimately I long to be like Christ and I can become more like him by spending time in His Word, in prayer and with His people. I have this group of ladies that I get to hang out with Wednesday mornings. The group is a ministry at our church called MIP or Moms In Prayer. I LOVE these ladies, not only for our time together praying for our families and for the fun and encouragement I receive from our time together, but mostly for WHO they are, HOW they live and WHAT they live for. Their testimonies and personal experiences have been a great inspiration to me. They share the good, the bad and the ugly.
My good friend Kathy S., refers to some people as "step-ford Christians". (You know the type:  seem like they were cut out of a holy-er cloth, never struggling with motherhood, family or life, always have the pat answer or verse. Aren't we supposed to be joyful in our tribulations, encouraging one another in love and living lives worthy of respect and like that of the Proverbs 31 woman?? Yes. But, living in apparent perfection is less than, um...relatable.) I love my MIPS ladies because they ARE relatable, and real and completely human. Had it not been for them and our time praying, I would have despaired so many times. This is the intent for the church body, I think. To inspire and encourage each other and to pray together learning to lean on Christ more everyday and not despair while living in a fallen world.

So, my question back to myself is, who do I inspire or encourage? Do I live a life worthy of example? Do I exemplify Christ through my trials and testimony or am I a whiner? I fear often times I am the latter.  Am I constantly in a flux thinking that when I "get through this", then I will be in a position to serve and encourage others or is it just now when I should be encouraging. We ALL have lives, families, struggles internal and external that we have to deal with...what makes mine any different? Am I encouraging anyone through their "this" and inspiring them to do the same for someone else. Are we inspiring the youth of our church to be the next generation of leaders and encouragers or are we or rather, am I still expecting to be on the receiving end. Still feeling like I need to be served?

Dear Lord, thank you for your Word and for the examples of your servants who were human and weren't perfect, yet inspired. Thank you for the people you have placed in my life (specifically: my MIPS ladies) who I get to fellowship and pray with and for their love for you and encouragement for me. Thank you for the people in my life who I get to interact with, work with and spend time with. Help me to be an encouragement, to have my eyes fixed on you, to respond well in my hard times that my example would only ever reflect you. Help me to see those in need of encouragement and to stop focusing on my needs but seek to meet the needs of others. Help me to love others and to see them as you do. Amen.