Listen

 Let us be silent so we may hear the whisper of God. -Emerson

 It's been a quiet day and I've just spent the last 5+ hours reorganizing my desk, burning old papers, filing important ones and putting memories in a special place for keeping. I've cancelled credit cards then cut them up and made a plan to spend different. To, in fact, spend less. There's something cleansing about cleaning out your home, in the cleaning up the mess, throwing out the old, getting rid of the needless and making a clean start. It's a jab at my pride whenever I do this because I see how truly unorganized I am and even, I admit, delusional about who I believe myself to be because you cannot hide from the filth or the hidden mess. You cannot set in order your life without first throwing out the trash. We've all got trash (ie. sin, lies, inappropriately placed values) in our lives, some of us just manage it differently. I am thankful for the gift of the Holy Spirit who reveals this in me and then works to help me set my priorities and heart in order. It's apparent that I need more that just a Spring cleaning. I may need a an overhaul.

I'v realized that maybe I've tried to manage things myself and failed. This is true in my finances, in family and most painfully in my spiritual life. There have been some eye opening moments...some that caused me to question my past faith compared to the understanding I attained. There has been some moments of feeling drawn in to the Lord's presence and some of feeling rebellion toward Him in my heart. In all this I keep talking to Him and telling Him how I want things to "go down"...but asking for His will as well. What I've heard from Him today is that I have not been listening enough. 

It's no shock, if you know me, that I'm chatty and that I love to make people laugh and love to encourage but often I fill the uncomfortable silent moments of my life and my conversations with more of my talking, my planning and my purposes rather that wait on God to lead it. 

I've heard others mention on facebook that instead of having a resolution, they're choosing a word to live this year by and I am choosing to do the same. This year, I choose to listen...to Him, His Spirit and to the people around me. I pray this year is His and that whatever He brings about in and through me is a result of His direction and not my ambitious pursuits. I will wait for and lean in to hear His direction all the while pursuing to be faithful to what I know He has already called me to as a wife, a mother, an employee, a member of a church body and as a missionary for Christ in the world He has placed me in. This is my purpose and Christ is more than sufficient. Here I am Lord. 

"And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave."-I Kings 19:11-13

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Phil 1:21