Friday, July 15, 2011

Time spent

I've had a revelation about myself today: I function better on a schedule.

Why? Because I lack discipline and when I am left with a day all to myself or place to go and nothing that HAS to be done...I can waste it away getting very little done.  By little, I mean..I will stay in my pajamas and maybe do a little laundry, load and run the dishwasher, pay the bills..bathe and feed the children and let them watch TV and play outside and entertain themselves. Some of you may say...there is nothing wrong with this. Others might scoff because by 9am they had already baked bread, did an hour of yoga, reupholstered a couch, cleaned their entire home, home schooled all 5 of their kids, all while maintaining a great figure and looking beautiful without any make-up....I may be exaggerating, it was probably all done by noon. :) But it's these types of get-it-done-ers that make me feel the pressure to be just like that.

On the flip side, I can tend to over schedule. So much so, that I am then filled to the brim with responsibilities and activities and then have no time at all. So much that sometimes I cry out to the heavens.."HELP!" or just whine at my husband and close friends about how busy I am and they agree. So, what is a under disciplined, over scheduling, mother of three to do with a day free of scheduling?

Well, I've decided...(because I've been informed of this and so I'm going to stamp it on my forehead for all to see!! OK, I'm not really stamping it on my forehead. I have to go out later and that would just be embarrassing) that a day at home, doing nothing, is OK....(sigh), it's's OK?

It feels inherently wrong to me. And so my natural response is to schedule in stuff that feels productive or worth-while in the "free" time. Whether it be a mom's prayer group, a bible study, a work meeting, a lunch date, a play date, a day out with the kids to do something "fun", the cleaning out of a room. Then of course there's the never-ending list in my head that need to happen like weeding the yard, painting a room, refinishing the cabinets, ripping out the bathroom down to it's guts and rebuilding it from scratch, rebuilding the deck and adding on to the house...these project being performed by me, all terrify my husband. Well, except the weeding part. But many of my aspirations are too grand for me to do alone. But I love to accomplish things now..or really, yesterday. Could I pay you to do it?  Oh, right..I can't afford get me, right? Please say you get me...anyone..(crickets sounding...chirp, chirp..-you think I'm kidding. Really, there are crickets in our laundry room in a container for the feeding of our gecko. I digress.)

This is a crucial lesson for me because starting August 11, all three of my precious darlings will be in all day school anyone? I've already had the conversation with my husband and others re: the possibility of using this "free" time to go back to school and get my Masters degree. But a wise person said, "Why don't you just enjoy one year, some time to yourself before you jump into another commitment.." Genius. Wisest words ever..or at least wisest words this week. So, I need to learn and practice discipline in my life.. and this is my plan (I love to have a plan)- I am going to write out a week's worth of goals and then when I finish them..enjoy the list checked off and relax...relax.... relax?? All the while maintaining a sense of go-with-the-flow when things come up, as discussed in my last post..right?

You're going to need to pray me through this one. It's not going to be easy.


  1. Hi Friend! I got all nostalgic yesterday after I read a little letter you wrote me at the end of our year at NABC! You said that we would see each other again someday, I hope it will be here on earth because although it's been like 20 years, I miss you! I miss your enthusiasm, your laugh, your words of encouragement, and just being silly together (we could still do that!?). I think we are often in the same seasons of life, your words often mirror my thoughts! Glad I get to read some of your words here and know you're in my heart and mind, even over the years! Love ya Milli!!
    Monica (Vanilli)

  2. Um yes, that's a challenging goal, but you can do it! (upholstering the furniture - that's good).