Greetings and Salutations

This last weekend was our 2012 Ladies Retreat! It was fantastic and a huge blessing to me and, as I do each year, I returned home challenged and refreshed. Our topic this year was "Desperate Housewives- Desperate for God" using the verse in Prov 42:1 which reads, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, Oh God". Our speaker, Cathy Olsen, shared testimony and the truth represented in God's word and reminded us (we all need reminding) that we can find comfort, instruction and promise in the word of God when we are tempted to succumb to the lies of the world. She discussed the "masks" we all wear both to hide the hurt and hide our feelings of inadequacy, even
within the church.

One of my roles at he retreat was MC and so it has become tradition, along with announcements and the drawing of door prizes, that I tell a story. I have shared ER stories, girl stories..("put on your Godly tassels and let 'em rip"...another story for another day) and mom stories. One story from this last weekend was about my son Nate and his two good friends, who I'll call David and Adam for the sake of privacy.

Myself and my good friend/sister in Christ were in the parent pick up room when school had gotten out and were doing a kid swap. I was taking one of her boys and she was taking one of mine. Another boy from their class, the son of a local pastor, was also coming to my house that day. As you can imagine they were excited and taking about their afternoon of running amuck playing superheroes, spies or whatever bad-guy-fighting combination they could come up with. So, me being the calm and always in control parent...(ahem...not), I exclaim, "Who wants to go to my house to have popsicles and play???" The three boys all jump in celebration and cry out, "WE DO!!!" then all of a sudden they turn to each other and say "PEEPEE HIGH FIVES" and proceed to pelvic bump each other. Almost as if in slow motion, my good friend and I reach out to stop them yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOO"..."there are NO PEEPEE HIGH FIVES OR ANY PEEPEE TOUCHING AT ALL" and then we both blushed and laughed in embarrassment as our boys-the christian raised children, of us-the christ declaring mothers were ogled by the surrounding parents and teachers as they looked on. We, later, tried to figure out which family had this come from. We all, of course, denied that it was us. I'll blame it on the school system...hahahahah. Really though, boys DO always find a way to make it about their parts...seriously...even in adulthood.

I shared this story because life is messy and imperfect and sometimes I think we expect that because we are believers that our children should be an overflow of the righteousness we strive for but really, like us, our children are sinners. They need Jesus. They need instruction. They need accountability. They need to not play with their pee-pees in public, it's inappropriate. As ridiculous as it sounds, this is a common parenting lesson. Oddly enough, our concern with propriety as we mature can turn into the opposite extreme and an inability to be real with each other.

Masks of "having it all together" or being "fine" when really, at times, we are not fine at all are not uncommon. Growing up in the church can be both a blessing and a curse.

The blessing: getting the opportunity to come to Christ at a young age, learning scripture early, having the support of other believers and prayerfully avoiding a life of wandering, aimlessness and consequence.

The curse being that as you grow up in the church "christian living" can become easy, like performing a choreography to a dance you've known your whole life. There are those who start to believe that because they have God's forgiveness then living a life of rebellion to him isn't a problem, using God's grace as an excuse to sin. There are those who know what to say, how to act and live and can easily fly under the radar never revealing the "lost-ness" of yourself even in the midst of a crowd.

We, as believers, are aware of the lost in the world. Those whose choices, words, actions and beliefs are a direct result of not know Christ. However, sadder and scarier that the multitudes outside the church are those within the church who live and exist in ignorance of ever REALLY knowing Christ and yet are standing right next to him. We need to be as careful to watch for the lost within the church as we do outside the church.

Today a gal who attended the retreat wrote me a message to tell me that she had shared the "peepee high five" story already to four of her friends. I responded that it's "gonna go global". But wouldn't it be great if, like our kids' inhibition, we could be that real to each other...I'm not suggesting pelvic bumping as the norm, but what if we could let our masks down and be real to each other. Admit that we sometimes don't understand. Recognize when someone needs some encouragement, mentoring and truth. Understand that we need accountability and instruction. This is the body of Christ.

Sunday

      It's 4:52 pm on a Sunday evening, we've had 4 or so weeks of springtime weather and the cedar trees have been dropping pollen like a flour sifter. I don't usually suffer from allergies, but OH MY GOSH this last month has been lame. I have been on a consistent schedule of all sorts of antihistamines and STILL, I've been regularly asked if I'm "ok" because I look like I've been crying, been told by a loved and honest teen that I "look like crap" and I fall into my Benadryl coma each night with tissues stuffed up my nose to keep from leaving snail trails of snot on my pillow. Sexy, huh? So, you can imagine that when I heard it would rain today, I smiled blissfully at the anticipation of the fresh smell, the perfect napping weather and the clean and pollen-free air. Ah, yes.


But, it snowed.


Now, it's not that I hate snow, I enjoy it's pure white beauty and the quietness of a snowfall and the chill in the air when you step outside, just not so much the shoveling, power outages, slip-sliding in your snow boots out to the car with 3 children all complaining that their snow pants are giving them a "wedgie". But, it did snow and since we had guests and good friends from down the hill come up to stay the night it was a fun surprise to wake up to and something they don't get to experience often and we enjoyed the view while drinking our coffee and eating cinnamon rolls.


   Since they left, I have been extraordinarily lazy. Some of which is due to the busy schedules we've maintained and that will continue when tomorrow begins. Today, we've watched some "I Shouldn't Be Alive" on Animal Planet and I read one of my favorite blog's by ThePioneerWomen.com and got caught up the story of her engagement to her husband. (I'm not a romance novel kind of girl, but goodness gracious, this girl's description of how she feel about her husband leaves you feeling all giddy and romantic and like you want to throw your husband down and kiss his face off! Let's just say, it's a good read.) Even now as I write, my living room is littered with Thomas the Train tracks..I'm pretty sure there is teetering pile of laundry that needs to be done, I don't have the slightest idea what we're going to do for dinner and I'm still in my pajamas. (I did manage to wash my face and brush my teeth today) But in all honesty, I am enjoying the day at home with the family...I'm pleading the "day of rest/Sabbath" argument for any of you type-A homemakers who are probably at this very moment re-tiling a bathroom, cleaning your baseboards or sewing clothes for your children. So, as I throw another log on the fire and think chips, salsa and guacamole is sounding pretty good for dinner, I will continue to relish in this day of rest. This day with my family at home.


PS. I probably will get to that some of that laundry. I'm all for recycling but not when it comes to underwear.

Ordinary

Do you ever get jealous over the giftedness or qualities you see in others? I do, all the time if I'm honest. Whether it's maintaining a fit physique, a put together house and/or a tidy home, exercise commitment, runner, great finance skills and no debt, having that "gentle and quiet spirit", the ability to memorize scripture easily, a beautiful singing voice, having a positive attitude all the time, having a husband whose schedule makes him more available or flexible, good at yard work, good at home improvements, a phenomenal leadership quality, great knowledge in their job, good time management, great organization, writes well, great photography, great cook, great manager of all things mom-related, etc, etc, etc.


There is one blogger I really like who has done very well, named the "Pioneer Woman". She cooks, she takes great pictures, she writes and she's funny, she home schools and manages to have this beautiful  home somewhere I cannot recall. Her success in blogging has led to a cookbook, a website with many followers, talk show engagements...yadda yadda yadda. To top it all off she's beautiful and thin. Geez Lady, could you have a flaw?? Please???


My other favorite blogger is Shauna Niequist, author of Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet. I love her because she is real and honest and admits her own broken-ness over difficulty conceiving. I envy her because she writes and speaks beautifully and her giftedness is being recognized and allowing her opportunities she never dreamed of. She's loves to host parties and cooks all kinds of fun and intriguing dishes and writes captivatingly about it all and her relationship with Christ. She too is thin and beautiful, this year she completed a marathon..all the while she does speaking engagements across the country and I think she sings too...(sigh) 


I got certified to teach BLS CPR, thanks to our local school district this last fall. I've been an RN for more than 13 years and worked in the ER for over 12 now and have participated in giving "CPR" more times that I could possible count but the idea of teaching it made me nervous.  I'm not the most academic person nor am I the most dynamic speaker. I'm more or less a diarrhea-of-the-mouth talker and can occasionally get a laugh from my blather. I relate and relay information best through experiences and stories. So teaching a class to, let's say a more academic mind, I might come across as more of a scatterbrain than a "teacher".  I was supposed to teach a class to another local school district a couple of weeks ago and the class did occur, but not at all as I had planned. It's supposed to be a video led course and the video equipment failed. Had I prepared some notes ahead of time, I may have come across more organized, but I felt flustered and like I was forgetting something. I'm sure I appeared like a deer in the headlights and left that day feeling deflated and discouraged. I know my emotions and thoughts are shallow, vain and prideful. I just want to be extraordinary in something, in anything really. And I find, more often than not, that I am plain ordinary. I am ordinary looking gal who has been 20-40 lbs overweight most of her adult life. I am an ordinary nurse who does her job, but rarely stands out. I don't cook phenomenal dishes, I don't write or speak amazing things, I am an ordinary teacher, I don't sing well (although my secret prayer since childhood has always been that I'd wake up with an amazing voice...still hoping). I am an ordinary friend who is sometimes "fun" to have around but rarely feels that I have someone who is my "best" friend, I am an ordinary wife, cook, housekeeper, mom, and most painfully I am an ordinary christian. 


I wish that I had risen to the occasion and been more confident when that class fell apart, that I had let it roll off my back and instructed in a way that depicted both knowledge, competency and experience. I'm afraid that wasn't me. Over the next several days, this weighed heavily on me. If I really stop and think, it's clear that my attitude and heart are very wrong. If I look back at our great heroes of Scripture, I would see a large group of ordinary people who did great things, not necessarily because of their skills or talents, and definitely not because of their success, it was because they had a deep commitment to our Lord and to doing His will even in their failures and flaws.  And yes, some things extraordinary are due the talents given...like singing or writing or even speaking well. But many things that people do well at are because they are committed to doing the best they can and learning all they can about that particular "thing" because they love it and want to do it well. Some people are more organized with their thoughts or actions and so having an organized life or sentence may come easier to them. But the house does not pick up itself, does it? And having the self control to think before you speak is something we all need on varying levels, right? A great hostess requires that you first invite someone over...finishing a marathon is only done with months of training... being a great teacher or instructor requires that you know the material and are prepared.... I could obviously go on.


The bible describes the church as a body. Each member having a purpose...there cannot be two heads, there cannot be 5 hands and only two arms. The body is designed to be balanced and each part complimentary to one another...and maybe, perhaps one's job is hidden like the pancreas. This is a small organ behind the stomach that has the important function of regulating bile and insulin released into the body so it can metabolize and get it's nutrition appropriately. But it hides and rarely gets credit and when it goes bad...it can take years to recognize yet, without it the body doesn't function well and will eventually die. The church and the world need ordinary people who are committed to doing the work, the hard,  sometimes un-fun, unrecognized, unglamorous jobs. But for whose glory am I working, for my own or for the glory of my Lord. If I seek my own recognition I am no better than the pharisees who prayed in public wearing their fancy robes. Maybe, I'm not a hand or foot or neck..maybe, I'm the pancreas or one of the small bones in the wrist who are small and easily forgotten yet part of a greater structure.  (The eight carpal bones are collectively known as the Carpus, or wrist. The bones of the Carpus consist of the Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Hamate, Capitate, Trapezoid, and the Trapezium.-I had to look this up, because I could not remember the names myself) 


In the end, I need to seek God's recognition, not man's. I need to compare myself to Christ and not others. I need to pray for more self control so that I may be committed to the work given me and do the best I can even if my best is ordinary. So, I'll still sing loud in my car looking forward to the day when I get to heaven and my voice will be beautiful;  I'll continue to teach CPR and work hard to organize the class and be prepared for any equipment failure; I will eat better, not because I need to be thin, but because taking care of the body God gave me is honoring to him: I will try to be the best, readily available tool God can use. 

blemished

 My husband put in wood floors approximately 7 years ago. It was a painstaking process that took nearly a month. In fact the kids and I (we had only two then) went and stayed down the hill with family because the house was not easily livable, especially since we had a toddler and a crawler at the time. My husband would come home from his usual work day then spend most of his evening, laying wood throughout the main living areas and halls of our house. We had purchased unfinished brazilian cherrywood and though I thought I wanted knotty pine, my husband assured me I would be happy with the end result. It required not just the measuring, cutting and installing of the floor but then the sanding and more sanding then the clean up and staining, drying, more staining and drying then there's the sealing....(if your husband is perfectionist like mine, then you can understand why it took so long). When I finally did see the finished product, I absolutely loved it. The shimmering, smooth and clean look of the floor, the beauty and varied colors, the uniqueness in the grain of each plank which gave the house an upgraded finished elegance that the 20 yr old brown shag (that came with the house) did not emit. No two planks were alike and I truly loved it and was ecstatic to have such a beautiful hand done masterpiece in my home. 

  I can remember the first time it got scratched. My oldest was playing with one of his toys and innocently slid it across the floor. There was a screw on the bottom of the toy that was not quite screwed in all the way and it gouged the floor approximately 6 inches in length. I gasped and yelled at my poor little dude (who had no idea what he'd done wrong and I later apologized and begged his forgiveness for my outburst) and mourned the perfection lost in my once consistently blemish free floor. Having kids, one learns ever so quickly that if you purchase nice furniture or floors or whatever they will soon and quickly become ruined and destroyed by their presence. Because, let's face it..they're messy little creatures.  Whether it's the marking pen or crayon done deliberately in their youthful experimentation and rebellion or whether by accident during a stomach virus that you witness projectile across your couch or rug. But for some reason that first scratch, that first blemish although you know it's coming, hurts. Now, of course our floors have multiple scratches and I have added my own messes over time. Like for example when my sister came up to color and cut my hair and we spilled hair dye on the floor..UG! That was a tough one to admit to my husband..He of course gives me more grace and patience that I deserve and he laughed when we told him. 

I find a double lesson in this for me: 

   For one, I see this attitude in my life and in my demonstration of self control or lack thereof. Once I blow something, I'll use my diet for an example, I determine.."well, the day's already shot" and then in my disappointment with failure, allow myself to dive in to my eating depravity and eat with wild abandon. Thinking that because the perfection is now lost and unattainable, who cares. But Romans 6 (see below) reminds me that I am not a slave to sin and I have died to that life and because I act on my sinful nature does not mean I "live there" and that I need to preach God's word back to myself and remember that though I mess up, Christ is likened to a holy sander that presents me as that unblemished floor to our Lord -wholly perfect and sanctified. But like my floor, while I take care to demonstrate my love and appreciation for my husbands hard work by doing my best to take care of it, likewise- in my life I need to take care to obey and honor God with my heart and actions in appreciation for HIS sacrifice and unlimited grace for me. 

  For two, our floors now look lived on. My house is no showplace or replication of the pottery barn catalog I sometimes dream it to be and now the kids live and play and don't "walk on egg shells" worrying they'll mess up the floor. {They're not barbarians either and know if they intentionally did something destructive there would absolutely be consequences.} But maybe, some of those dents, scratches and stains add to the uniqueness of my house just like my struggles, failures and lessons learned add to my testimony for Christ. If I were a perfect floor, I would not need Him but I most surely do.  

Romans 6

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

 ¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. ⁵ For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶ For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin— ⁷ because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
 ⁸ Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹ For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰ The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
 ¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹² Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³ Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. ¹⁴ For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness

 ¹⁵ What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶ Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷ But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. ¹⁸ You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. ¹⁹ I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. ²⁰ When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. ²¹ What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! ²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in^[b] Christ Jesus our Lord.

Disney Worthy

My daughter's dance studio has been practicing their "holiday" routine for a local parade and for an upcoming trip and performance at Disneyland! We are all very excited to see her and all the girls perform  (the girls and the routine are ADORABLE!!!, but I'm not bias or anything. :)  ).  So, recently at the studio their was a mandatory Disney dress rehearsal meeting. They shared the standard that Disney has for the girls as dancers in their attendance, presence, presentation and performance and they are strict. I won't lie, I started to stress myself that if my baby girl or any of the girls didn't know the routine well enough, it was possible she would not be able to perform!! AAh! Can you imagine the devastation? The 7-going-on-13-year-old-drama...?? So, needless to say..we've gone to every practice offered this week so she can make sure she has the routine engrained in her sweet little brain and encouraging her all the way and trying hard to put up a "no big thang" face so she wouldn't feel anxious as well.

It got me thinking about Disney and how they DO do everything better. Have you noticed there are no flies or mosquitos (which are utter hell to me)? There is no gum stuck to the walls, the bathrooms are clean (or as clean as you can get with hundreds of thousands of people utilizing them), the staff are clean and polite and their shows are top notch...I would say that this is only my opinion, but the proof is undeniable. Rain or Shine, Disney is visited by how many people a year?? The latest figures for 2007 showed 14,870,000 visitors for Disneyland in that year!!! 
I'd been to other amusement parks and the standard** is not the same. At one other park in particular (I will not mention the name), the very mood of the place and the people was less than "happy" and I overheard on more than one occasion "f" bombs and foul language being used loudly with no regard to the children around. The signage sucks, the place felt dirty and sort of like a "B" movie in comparison to an Oscar Winning Blockbuster. I can testify that at Disneyland in the tomorrowland terrace I overheard two young brothers fighting and then witnessed them pushing each other (I have no idea where the parents were) but a Disney Cast member walked over and gently separated them and said..."Hey boys, there is NO fighting at Disneyland".  I told Lance, "We are moving in, permanently."
Isn't it funny? The standard is set at Disney...and people will apparently meet that standard, because they want to be there.

I heard someone say onetime, "If you aim for the sky you may hit the top of the barn, but if you aim for the top of the barn, you're guaranteed to hit the top of the manure pile."

The Bible say's "Be holy for I am holy" Leviticus 11:45.

Did God know we'd fail?? That is without question, but he didn't say.."Well, I know you're going to screw up so don't even bother trying". We, as christians need to strive for holiness and we can only do that through Christ. We as a parents need to strive for raising obedient children, don't we?  We shouldn't set them up for failure because you know they will anyway. Give them an expectation and help them want to earn the privileges and rewards that obedience brings. I have seen this to be true since my oldest two have been in school. Their teachers, who I am so grateful for, know what 2nd and 3rd graders can do and what they will do and yet they encourage them to do what they can...not the minimum. I am thankful for their experience, their knowledge and their gentle guidance in helping teach my babes. I fear though that this will not maintain as an expectation as they get older. The "world" seems to keep lowering it's standards and the people respond.

Dear Lord, I'm not perfect and I know that I fail, but please help me to live out and love my kids in a way that will encourage them to love and obey you and strive to be "holy" as you are holy. Let the world NOT be the standard, but let your WORD be.

**(I found a link to a welcome letter to disney employees.. read if you're interested :

http://corporate.disney.go.com/corporate/conduct_standards.html)

Jenga

This last weekend, during the post-Thanksgiving-gluttony-afterglow we, like many, start decorating for Christmas. I got out my nativity scene, my snow globes and other Christmas paraphernalia. I was dependent upon my husband to retrieve the Christmas tree from the depths of the garage or under the house or wherever the heck he stores it. Meanwhile, I had out all my lovely ornaments that I keep neatly stored in my "organized" ornament box.  Then there's the other ornaments that won't fit into the ornament box, so I admit, I had them haphazardly stacked on my trunk in my family room thinking "well, they'll be fine here because before the day is done they will be carefully and beautifully placed on our pre-lit 8ft tall Kmart special Martha Stewart brand Christmas tree" (yes, I live among the pine trees and have a fake Christmas tree- don't judge. :0). But, this year we also had a storm for Thanksgiving and our driveway was like that of a bobsled course, slick and icy and my hard working hubby was working hard to clean it up along with other house maintenance stuff that needs to be done post storm and the Christmas tree never got put up. Later that day my husband went to grab something off the coat hook mirror that is directly above the before mentioned trunk and nearly knocked over my ornament pile. He said flatly, "What's up with the ornament "Jenga"?" We all laughed at the comparison.

Sometimes, as a mom or even as a woman, life can make you feel like a "Jenga" game. If you're not familiar, "Jenga"is a game of engineering really. It's a stack of wooden blocks into an approximate 16 inch tower and the goal is to take turns removing bricks from the tower, not from the top mind you, but from the middle, the bottom, the sides and all the while making sure the tower doesn't topple. If it falls while you're removing a wooden piece, you lose. I feel like this often. Like I'm the tower and I'm trying to stay erect while I let others remove my blocks. But ultimately, if I'm not letting Christ renew me and if I'm having the attitude that others are taking my time, my strength, my energy instead that I'm giving of myself to honor God and demonstrate love to others, then my tower wobbles and it sways until that one block is removed (otherwise known as the straw that broke the camels back) and I collapse. Perhaps emotionally by exploding at my kids or husband, maybe physically by getting sick or I get mad and pouty toward the loving Lord who wanted to sustain me all along, but I wouldn't let him. My focus and my faith is wrong. My eyes need to be ever fixed on the maker and sustainer of my soul and only then will I stand firm. Relying on my own strength leaves me weak and easily taken down. Please Lord, help me to remember I am not my own, I am yours. Renew my energy today to serve and love those around me.

Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is my helper. The Lord is the one who sustains my soul."