Contentment

I'm learning, or rather relearning, all the time how to be content. Content with my living circumstances, content with my job, my house, content with my body (the unchangeable parts)...content with life. Before Christmas we spent nearly a week at Disneyland. We had six...yes, I said SIX days at the parks. Are we crazy? Yes. Overindulgent? Perhaps...but between some soon to be expired free passes and my daughter's dance performance and the truly AMAZING discounted price, we decided to go for it.

Toontown..prison break. 

It was probably on day three when we were in tomorrow-land terrace getting some lunch and it was raining and my children were probably tired (definitely tired),....and the melt downs began. "Why do I only get ONE slice of pizza?"... "I'm wet and uncomfortable."... "My pants are giving me a wedgie."..."(so-and-so) keeps looking at me!"..."Why do we have to eat here?"..."I don't want to go on that ride after lunch!"..."I wanted Root beer to drink, not Sprite!" Meanwhile there was no place to sit because everyone and their brother was seeking to find shelter inside and eat a less than soggy meal.  I remember feeling frustrated that my kids were being so ungrateful, that they could have such bad attitudes while at the "happiest place on earth"!! We attempted to find a place to sit and ended up finding a small table. Only the kids were able to sit so Lance and I stood to eat and the kids just kept on in the barrage of complaints and.... I..... melted. I told my husband that I had to step outside and walked to a private area by some pay phones and began to cry. I cried because I too, was tired and I wanted so badly for us to all have a good time together and wanted to see my children in cheerful and excited spirits, to see them thankful for our trip, for the money spent and the sacrifices made so we could be there at Christmas time. Couldn't they see, despite the weather, how blessed they were to be here when we could just be at home, doing "nothing".  Here, amongst the blessings, they couldn't see it and were not content. I felt like a parental failure. How could I raise such ungrateful children?? The answer to that question is simple...I am that same ungrateful child. 

I wonder sometimes if our Lord grieves our unthankfulness, our discontentment and our complaining. He's used to it, I'm sure. The Israelites were amazing complainers and forgetters of His provision in the desert for 40 stinking years and their complaining delayed them from seeing the promise land in their lifetime. Well, I'm not in the desert, I have a husband, a home that we own, we both have jobs, can pay our bills, we have healthy children and loving extended families and here I am amidst HIS sacrifice and generosity, still struggling with contentment. I have more than most people in the world, more than I need and absolutely more than I deserve.

I don't like resolutions. I don't like making grandiose promises that I will eventually fail. But if I could hope to improve in some area of my life..to grow and change, it would be in the area of contentment. My children are children. What's my excuse?

I don't want you to get the wrong impression. We enjoyed a great, wet Disney week. I admit I'm pretty Disney-ed out for a while but good memories none-the-less.

Lord, I know I am and have been ungrateful. I have not seen your gifts and blessings especially in this week following the celebration of your Son's birth! Such a gift, such a sacrifice...such a demonstration of love that I cannot comprehend. Thank you for your Son. For your provision in my life. Help me to have joy in the rain, when I'm uncomfortable and when I'm tired. Thank you.